Navigating the Complexities of Divorce? A Family Lawyer Shares Valuable Advice.
It appears that women, mothers, tend to want to finish everything as quickly as possible to avoid conflict. They believe this will protect the kids,
I met Chrissie at a women's divorce educational workshop that she set up to support women thinking about separation and divorce. It was an intense day of learning from an array of professionals sharing invaluable knowledge, pitfalls and the positive side of divorcing with professional support.
What stood out for me throughout the day was how passionate, empathetic and caring Chrissie is. I watched the other women in the room wake up to what was ahead of them or how they wished they had known more in order to divorce differently.
There are key moments in a divorce when the ink is dry and there is no going back.
As a spectator, I realised how little I knew about divorce in the UK and how little other people in the process of divorce know. One can easily be misled. If I was going to divorce today, I would call Chrissie first. This is NOT an advert or a paid article, but I would want someone as direct and honest as she is about what I would be up against should it become less amicable. The first call is free.
Chrissie knows she isn't for everyone and is open about the client who should and should not hire her.
I must clarify that Chrissie represents both men and women.
Some background
Chrissie is American-born and first qualified as a Lawyer in the US. After 9/11 hundreds of lawyers lost their jobs overnight and this included Chrissie. Forced to find work in the corporate world she had avoided, she worked ridiculously long hours, which led to an inevitable burnout. The upside of this experience was gaining a talent for reading and digesting reams of material and the ability to pinpoint the essential details. Chrissie learnt the legalities of family law and the importance of checking clauses during her own divorce agreement, knowing it could influence her future in many aspects.
The future is something people are often unable to consider when experiencing their own divorce.
New beginnings brought her to the UK, and she has never looked back. Chrissie used the opportunity to get her MA in Legal &Political Theory and realised she wanted to focus on Family Law, which required her to take her exams to be qualified to work in the UK.
As of today, Chrissie is qualified to work in England & Wales, New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
Her Ideal Client
The clients that struggle to work with Chrissie are the people who are uncomfortable listening to her advice. The process is intimate and intense and Chrissie knows she is like Marmite, embrace her or not. For those who don't know, you either like Marmite or you don't - it's a British thing.
If you want someone who will stand in front of you and fight for you, she might be the one for you.
She will never tell you what you want to hear and she will call you out when you are being unreasonable. Chrissie is pragmatic, and practical and will do everything to ensure the best possible outcome for her client.
The price bracket and client type are varied, and yes, Chrissie does some pro-bono work. Unfortunately, there isn't enough time in the day to help everyone. Legal Aid is hard to get but she will try her best to help you where she can,
Are there any specific behavioural patterns that you can identify?
It appears that women, mothers, tend to want to finish everything as quickly as possible to avoid conflict. They believe this will protect the kids, but by placating everyone these clients end up putting their needs last and will be disappointed or angry further down the line. Clients who are experiencing abuse are not always aware at first as they have been living it. This may be psychological abuse or coercive control, and Chrissie encourages extra support throughout the process and afterward.
It's difficult to see the abuse when you are living it.
What advice can you share for hiring a lawyer/solicitor?
When looking for a solicitor, do NOT trust the recommendations of friends and family. Every case is different and needs a different approach or particular expertise. It is essential there is a rapport and you feel safe enough to trust your legal team to share your truth. This enables them to act in your best interests. Don't be afraid to leave your solicitor. Chrissie has been known to pass people on when they haven't been a good match or if they need a different sort of team of experts. Do your research. With a divorce taking on average a year to eighteen months, you must be able to work together. When you believe your divorce is going to be high conflict and end up in court you should ask your solicitor about how much experience they have had in court and successfully taking a matter through a final hearing, It makes a difference to the outcome.
Chrissie is all about doing her best and is very open about the injustices of the legal systems and human behaviour.
If you want justice, the family court is not the place.
The entire family court system in the UK is struggling. Not only from the lack of Judges, resources and building issues but also from a backlog of cases. It is impossible to move things through quickly. Meanwhile, Judges don't have the best of names, but there are great Judges out there who pull up their sleeves and get to grips with the material. Judges don't want to hear your story, it's not relevant and that can be hard to accept when you want to be heard.
Every case is different as it comes down to needs and fairness, both of which are subjective.
If you could change one thing in the system what would that be?
There needs to be a huge investment in compulsory education around the impact of short and long-term psychological effects of domestic abuse and safeguards put in place so that abusers are not able to utilise the court system as a methodology to continue the abuse.
All Judges need to be reviewed and held accountable.
Chrissie can be contacted at:
Partner, Family Department, Spencer West LLP Chrissie.cumingwalters@spencer-west.com
IG: @divorcewithadifference
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrissiecumingwalters/
If you would like to share your story or you are a professional who wants to share some insights, please email me at contact@angryexwife.com