I Should Never Have Put a Ring on It: Now I am trapped.

I wasn't really that into her, but she was stupidly 'under my spell,' as she used to put it. It was a warning sign that I ignored, and who doesn't want to be adored? I spent way too many years with her stroking my ego when her bestie said, 'Don't you think it's time you manned up and put a ring on her finger?'

Yeah, probably the right thing to do. 

So I did. The wedding was nice, living together was nice. She cared for me in the 1950s housewife kind of way. I went to work and when I came home, everything was just so. I used to joke that she had forgotten my pipe. I was such an asshole for doing this to her.

I trapped her and myself in a marriage of compatibility.

The greyest of marriages. We were fundamentally boring together.  We would laugh together at the telly, but not at each other's humour. We aged before our time and you know what a really great bad idea is when you are in this space? Children.

Sex was average, nothing special, nothing awful. She was accommodating in the bedroom and every so often after listening to my mates talk about their shag fest, I felt I should put some effort in and put her out of her misery. It's not that I didn't care for her, but even the slightest hint of us not working and she got into such a state that I learnt to leave it alone. I blamed myself, and with it I gave up and accepted my fate. I felt she deserved to be a mum, and one tipsy night, I suggested it was time and she squealed with such delight I almost lost my hard-on.

One shot and nine months later we were bringing home this adorable baby girl. 

I love this girl to the moon and back and there isn't a thing I wouldn't do to keep her safe in the world. We share a magical bond, one where we look at each other and just know each other's thoughts. When I look at my wife, I admire her ability to love me knowing that it is not reciprocated in the way she deserves. But then I love her for bringing me our daughter.

I have never cheated on her, nor will I ever cheat on her. I will live in this grey, bland existence forever and I expect she will too. We share a life and it's not awful, but every so often, when washing the car or mowing the lawn, 

I think what would have happened if I hadn't 'put a ring on it.' 

And then I snap out of it and think about my daughter smiling at me. 

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